Teaching Students to Ask for What They Need

My First Real Lesson in Communication

My first job after college was in a long-term care pharmacy packing pills. It wasn’t glamorous work, but it was steady and paid a whopping $11.25 an hour, enough for me to go to school at night to pay for my teaching degree. After six months I was finally starting to get good at it. I knew the system, the medications, and I was learning from my work mentors, people who were becoming actual friends.

I had just moved to Michigan, new to adulthood and trying to figure out who I was in this new place. Those relationships and that small sense of belonging meant a lot to me. Then one day, management announced that they were moving a bunch of us to different locations across the city.

I didn’t want to go. So, I decided to do something about it.

I scheduled a meeting with the CEO of the company. I sat across from him and explained how much I valued the people I worked with, how I was finally starting to get the hang of the job, and how I wanted to stay where I was. I respectfully asked if I could stay at my current location.

He listened while I made my pitch, and after about a half-second pause leaned in and said “NO.”

I walked out of that meeting disappointed. I didn’t get what I wanted and moved to the other pharmacy location the next day. Perhaps I could’ve been more persuasive or maybe it was hopeless from the outset, but regardless it was the first moment in my career where I made a professional ask.

The Power of Asking

A mentor once told me, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for.” Over the years, I have found that to be one of the truest lessons in work and life.

That moment in the CEO’s office became a starting point. From then on, I saw communication not just as expressing ideas or giving information, but as a way to advocate for myself, for others, and for what I believed in.

When I became a teacher, I found myself asking for things constantly. I had to request permission for field trips, resources, and opportunities that didn’t exist yet. I remember once asking my principal if I could replace the required English novel with East of Eden. I told him it was a story that had changed my life, and I wanted my students to experience that same kind of transformation.

It wasn’t a small request. It meant buying an entire new set of books. So, I thought carefully about how to make the case. I anticipated questions, prepared a rationale, and presented the request as something that would enhance our curriculum, not replace it.

And he said yes.

That “yes” didn’t just give me new books. It gave me a deeper understanding of how important communication can be when it’s thoughtful, respectful, and bold.

Teaching Students How to Make the Ask

Asking is one of the most essential forms of communication in adulthood. It’s often how we get opportunities, promotions, and even joy in our work. It’s also something we can start teaching students long before they enter the workforce.

One of the best ways teachers can help students get better at making asks is by creating regular, low-stakes opportunities to practice it. This can start with something as simple as having students request deadline extensions, resources, or feedback in a structured way. For example, if a student needs more time on an assignment, you can walk them through how to write a respectful and specific email explaining why. 

Instead of “Can I have more time?”, teach them to say, “I’ve been working hard on this project but need another day to make sure it meets the requirements. Would it be possible to turn it in tomorrow?” You can even have an official process students have to follow to request extensions or any official request, and embedded within that process is this skill building. 

Here's my 5-step framework for students to use whenever making requests to their teachers. 

Get the Framework free here.

 Making Asking Part of Projects and Curriculum

We can also design learning experiences that center on making professional requests. I was once teaching high school, and our district was about to receive a multi-million-dollar bond and was gathering input from parents, business owners, and educators on how the money should be spent. But you know who they weren’t consulting? 

Students. And my students made their displeasure about that well known.

So for my persuasive writing unit, I asked them to create proposals for how some of the new funding should be used. Each group had to research, design, and then pitch their ideas to district administrators and the school board. We studied some of the traditional methods of persuasion, like ethos, pathos, and logos. I also invited a friend who works in marketing to come in and talk about how to make effective proposals. I modeled for them how to deliver a pitch, and then we held rehearsals where students gave each other critical feedback.

After lots of practice and research, they made their asks to actual administrators and school board members.

Some of their ideas were a little wild, like the group that proposed putting a Chick-fil-A in the cafeteria. That one didn’t go far. But one group proposed creating a sensory deprivation room, a quiet space for students who needed help regulating emotions during the school day. They gathered data, shared stories, and made a compelling case for how this space could benefit neurodiverse students.

And you know what happened? Their proposal was approved. To this day that school now has a sensory room because a group of teenagers learned how to ask.

And the thing is, even the groups whose ideas weren’t chosen walked away with something valuable. They learned how to identify what they wanted, how to articulate it, and how to make a professional request. That’s not just a classroom skill; that’s a life skill.

Exercising the “Ask” Muscle

The key is to make the act of asking normal and intentional. The more students experience the process of identifying what they need, preparing their reasoning, and articulating it clearly, the more confident they become. Over time, they begin to understand that making a well-thought-out ask isn’t pushy or entitled. It’s part of how real learning, and real life, work.

And the earlier we help students develop that muscle, the more confident and capable they’ll be when it really counts. Because in the end, the old saying is true: you don’t get what you don’t ask for. 

Listen to my podcast episode on this topic here.